Truck Driver In Critical Condition After His Truck Was Hijacked By Lesbians Trying To Steal Birds of Prey Merchandise
Feburay 7th - Hot Topic announced a new line of Birds of Prey full-figured clothing and accessories to help promote body positivity.
March 1st - It was supposed to be the last stop for Truck Stop Charlie, a veteran driver for an unnamed sex toy manufacturer. The trucker didn’t know until it was too late that he had a group of lesbians on his tail trying to hijack a truck full of his (what they thought to be) plus-size Birds of Prey merchandise. But little did the lesbians know that they had hijacked the wrong truck. This truck was not going to Hot Topic.
Below are the released transcripts of the trucker’s voice recorder.
Shortly after his 1 p.m. Waffle House lunch, Truck Stop Charlie started to become very chatty on his CB.
"Radio check to Home 20, you got your ears on? I’ve got half a dozen roller skates on my donkey,” the trucker said. "Repeat, I’ve got a half of a dozen 4-wheelers and a chicken hauler in my back pocket. Do you copy? Oh fiddlesticks! Uh, shit...I got me some crackerhead lesbians.”
Then a rattling sound, followed by a loud thud. Truck Stop Charlie was cutting in and out but you could tell he was frantic. Then more rattling, and another loud thud followed by the sound of women screaming.
"Oh Jesus!," he shouted over the sound of the engine revving.
"Oh Jesus . . . Oh God. . . . I’ve been harpooned," he screamed. "What the hell is going on? I think I’m being hijacked!”
The engine continued to rev, then Charlie shouted: "What the? . . .these crazy bitches are on my wagon! I’m mashing the motor! We’re speeding down the road in triple digits. Home 20, can you hear me? Oh God, I feel like I’m in one of those Mad Max movies.”
The last thing on the recording is the sound of the lesbians screaming “ WE ARE THE VAG LORDS! GIVE US YOUR BIRDS OF PREY SHIT!” and Charlie shouting, "NO! YOU GOT THE WRONG FREAKIN’ TRUCK!”
From the police report, we were informed that the truck flipped and its cargo--thousands of dildos--spilled onto the road. The driver was rushed to the hospital in critical condition. Several witnesses on the ground reported that a group of large women dressed like Harley Quinn were chasing the truck just before the accident.
According to the sex toy manufacturer, “We have been shipping dildos for over 20 years and never have we ever experienced anything like this.”
It's still not clear why the large women thought Truck Stop Charlie was hauling Birds of Prey merchandise. It’s also unclear if they made off with any dildos. More on this story as it unfolds...
Scoop by Servian LeFever