Penis of the Planet of the Apes isn’t a real movie but it should be

“Penis of the Planet of the Apes” needs to happen now! In a world where cinematic masterpieces like "Sharknado" and "The Room" exist, it's time to take things to the next level with "Penis of the Planet of the Apes" – a movie so outrageously absurd, it's a wonder it hasn't been made yet.

Imagine a film where intelligent apes, fresh from their uprising against humanity, decide to explore the uncharted territories of masculinity... and also happen to have a giant, talking Ape named Penis as their leader. That's right, folks – Penis, the ape with the most impressive appendage in the jungle, is on a mission to save the planet from itself.

As Penis navigates the treacherous landscape of ape politics and interspecies relationships, he must confront the dark secrets of his own past and the existential crises of being a symbol of toxic masculinity in a post-human world.

Supporting characters include a wise-cracking, fast-talking Dr. Zimbo with a penchant for dad jokes, a sympathetic yet stern General Lola (think a primate version of Judi Dench), and a romantic interest in the form of a free-spirited, flower-crowned chimpanzee named Barbie.

Also, the special effects would be groundbreaking – who wouldn't want to see a CGI ape in a dramatic slow-motion sequence, wielding a giant banana like a lightsaber? It's like "Star Wars" meets "The Planet of the Apes" meets … well, a really weird fever dream.

So, Hollywood, listen up – it's time to take a chance on "Penis of the Planet of the Apes." It has all the makings of a cult classic. Maybe in an alternate universe, this masterpiece is breaking box office records and redefining the very fabric of cinematic storytelling. Stranger things have happened, right?

Scoop by Erectus Caesar