Jared Leto To Play Multiverse Jesus In Zack Snyder’s Justice League

Holy crap, do we have a scoop for you!

The #SnyderCut is almost here, and we've been blessed with a glorious photo for the HBO Max original, which hits on March 18. The photo features Jared Leto as Jesus while extending his arms and wearing a crown of thorns. Needless to say, the reactions have been mixed.

At first, we thought the official photo was from an upcoming Marilyn Manson music video, but our sources from The BloJo Movie Network have learned that Jared Leto will in fact be playing the Multiverse Jesus in Zack Snyder's Justice League.

This news is especially confusing since the majority of fans seem to have a beef with Jared Leto for ruining the Joker. It remains to be seen if his Joker will make an appearance in the Snyder Cut or if Multiverse Jesus will stick around in the DCEU, but if Leto can pull this trick off it’ll be as impressive as turning water into wine.

This writer asked fans on the street their opinion on the matter.

“Jesus Christ, What the f**k are they thinking? Isn’t this blasphemous?” responded one young man, who wishes to remain anonymous. “A few months back you told us Topher Grace was returning as Venom and now this sh*t? Nope, I think I’ll save my money. F**king idiots.”

“Holy Clown Prince of Crime, Batman.” responded a young woman, who also wished to remain anonymous. “I’m in love with Jared Leto and I think he deserves a second chance. He’s a great guy, and you can see it in his dreamy almond shaped eyes that he’s genuinely remorseful about how he took a dump on such a beloved villain. I can’t wait to see Jared as Jesus. I’ve already joined the cult and drank the Kool-Aid.”

EDIT!

Breaking News!

WARNING! PLOT SPOILERS AHEAD!

As you already know, Snyder had a reported $70 million budget to improve the visual effects in Justice League and add new scenes with more characters, like the new Multiverse Jesus. Our sources from The BloJo Movie Network just informed us that the new scenes will change the way we think about comic book movies, especially DCEU movies.

Supposedly, halfway through the Snyder Cut, Batman decides to time travel to the year A.D. 30. There, he finds Jesus in the tomb and tells him about Darkseid and asks for his help in defeating the super villain. Jesus tells Batman no, and that he’s not a DCEU fan, but that his multiverse counterpart would probably be more than happy to help. Batman then travels to another universe, finds a different Jesus and tells him about his goth inspired nightmares and Darkseid’s evil plan to enslave the earth. Jesus--being the cool guy he is--agrees to help, but with one condition. He will defeat Darkseid and put an end to Batman’s nightmares as long as Zack Snyder is never allowed to make another DC movie as long as he lives. Jesus also tells Batman that he needs to be back in 3 days (could this be a hint we’ll get a trilogy?) because the three-day resurrection matters to the biblical narrative and would have huge ramifications on his timeline if he doesn’t return in 3 DAYS.

Side Note: We were under the impression from our days in Sunday School that Jesus went to Hell during his 3 days in the tomb and flexed his spiritual muscles. So... if he doesn’t go to Hell and he’s running around with Batman in the DCEU, will he return to his own worst nightmare? Will he return to Hell on earth? Or in the words of Heath Ledger’s Joker, maybe “It’s all part of the plan.” Is WB setting up Jesus for his own solo movie? If so, we suggest a trilogy of movies with tie-in comics. We also suggest the following movie titles:

• Jesus Saves

• Jesus Saves Again

• Jesus Goes to Hell (Underworld for Chinese Audiences)

Let us know what you think in the comments.

END OF SPOILERS!

So, what other biblical characters do you want to see show up in the Snyder Cut? Will Jesus return in 3 days? Will his timeline be all messed up when he returns? Will we get to see Jesus fight Mephisto in the underworld? Will this lead to a DC/Marvel crossover? Will Jesus save Henry Cavill’s mustache? Will Jesus resurrect Ryan Reynolds Green Lantern? And the question that everyone is thinking--will Jared Leto redeem himself, or will he s**t the bed? Again, let us know your thoughts in the comments.

In other news, Robert De Niro’s long awaited Taxi Driver sequel is still in the works after all these years, despite a lack of interest by anyone besides Robert De Niro. Rumor has it that Monster Hunter director Paul W.S. Anderson has signed on to direct the sequel and Milla Jovovich will play the role of the prostitute Iris (previously played by Jodie Foster). The movie is expected to go straight to Walmart bargain bins with other scummy titles.

Scoop by Servian LeFever