Animated Tim Allen Supports Lightyear’s Lesbians in New Post-Credit Scene
In response to all the backlash against Lightyear’s lesbian kiss, as well as Chris Evans replacing Tim Allen in the title role, director Angus MacLane has added a new post-credits scene that will screen with the film starting next weekend. An anonymous Pixar storyboard artist leaked the script page to the BloJo Movie Network, and based on the content, it’s likely to rile up the film’s opponents even further. SPOILERS ahead:
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT: Alisha Hawthorne and her wife Kiko—clad in satin teddies—have wrapped themselves in a tight embrace and are kissing passionately in bed. Even their legs are entwined.
INT. SCREENING ROOM – NIGHT: The camera pulls back from the screen to reveal a shadowed male figure eating popcorn. He starts laughing, and it becomes clear that this is Tim Allen.
Cut to a medium shot of Tim, who looks overjoyed as he stares up at the screen.
TIM: Ah, that’s beautiful, ladies, so beautiful. Now I know why they say love is love. I … I don’t even mind that they took my balls.
The camera pans to the left, and an arm in a black sleeve reaches out with a pair of small Pixar balls – yellow with a blue stripe and a red star.
MALE VOICE (in a snooty accent): Your balls, sir.
Tim sets down the popcorn and takes them from the man’s hand, then looks down at them fondly.
TIM: Ah, spoke too soon.
He gives them a squeeze, and they emit a high-pitched squeak.
Cut to black.
When reached for comment, MacLane said, “Listen, I’m sick and tired of homophobes telling us what we can and cannot see and hear. They’ve come after books, they’ve come after education with Florida’s ‘Don’t Say Gay’ bill, and now they’re coming after us. Well, you push back against me, and I’m going to push back even harder. I’m gonna LOVE seeing them squirm in their seats when they watch this. And you know they will watch, just so they can b*tch about it later.”
In a statement, Allen explained, “Okay, so I’m a Trump supporter. But I’m more of a fiscal conservative because I just don’t like paying taxes. I earned that money, and I should get to keep it, right? But whatever two consenting adults do behind closed doors is none of my business. And besides, this is a kids movie. C’mon! Like Disney and Pixar are going to show two women e*ting each other out? No f**kin’ way.”
As expected, though, internet critics are plenty angry about the leaked scene, especially on Twitter. Here’s a sampling of comments:
“The real Tim Allen would not approve of this sh*t. And Pixar should be ashamed of themselves, showing it to kids. Now excuse me while I watch Jasmine tongue-kiss Jafar in Aladdin.” – JoeBob82964
“Not my Tim Allen, and not my Pixar. This raunchy girl-on-girl content belongs on Pornhub, not in a family film. Of course, I don’t watch Pornhub, since I’m an upstanding Christian wife and mother of two little girls. That’s just what I’ve heard.” –ToolTimeGirl4Ever
“Woke Disney sells lesbian toys to toddlers, and now they’re having onscreen sex? What’s next? Peter Pan is transgender and has orgies with his Lost Boys? Theater chains better pull Lightyear from Texas. Screw free speech.” – tedcruz
Is Ted Cruz right? Should free speech be screwed, the Constitution be damned? Or should the only screwing occur between consenting adults, no matter their gender? Let us know in the comments below.
In other news, Warner Bros. Discovery has replaced Ezra Miller with Ansel Elgort as the new Flash. That’s a bold move. Let’s see if it works out for them.
Story by Matt Foley