The Jerk vs Vacation
In the late 1970s, comedy legends Steve Martin and Chevy Chase shot to stardom on Saturday Night Live—the former as a frequent guest-host and the latter as a cast member. It was only a matter of time before Hollywood came calling, and when it did, they became movie stars as well. Tonight, we pit together two of their best films to see which one will come out on top—The Jerk or National Lampoon’s Vacation. Will the “poor black child” reign supreme, or will everyone’s favorite patriarch take the crown? Pack up the Family Truckster, find your special purpose … and let’s talk about movies!
KYLE’S GOLDEN IDOLS
Best Location: Vacation Walley World
Best Character: Jerk Navin Johnson
Best Screen Duo: Jerk Navin Johnson & Marie Johnson
Best Villain/Antagonist: Vacation Clark Griswold
Best Hero/Protagonist: Jerk Navin Johnson
Best Kill/Death/Defeat: Jerk Backyard karate fight
WTF: The Jerk, Too
Best Score or Soundtrack: Jerk Jack Elliot with original songs by various artists
Best Quote: Vacation Clark Griswold: “Can I help you with that, Vicki? Please?”
Best Screenplay: Jerk Steve Martin, Carl Gottlieb & Michael Elias
Best Special Achievement: Jerk Not really offensive
Best Supporting Actor/Actress: Jerk Bernadette Peters
Best Lead Actor/Actress: Jerk Steve Martin
Best Scene: Jerk Tonight, You Belong to Me
Defining Moment: Jerk The new phonebook is here
Best Director: Jerk Carl Reiner
Wildcard: Vacation The Best Dance Award
Best Picture: The Jerk
Total after deductions:
The Jerk: 15
Vacation: 4
WAYNE’S GOLDEN IDOLS
Best Location: Vacation Walley World
Best Character: Jerk Navin Johnson
Best Screen Duo: Vacation Clark Griswold & Russ Griswold
Best Villain/Antagonist: Jerk Patty Bernstein
Best Hero/Protagonist: Vacation Clark Griswold
Best Kill/Death/Defeat: Vacation Aunt Edna
WTF: The Jerk, Too
Best Score or Soundtrack: Vacation Ralph Burns with original songs by various artists
Best Quote: Vacation Cousin Vicki: “I'm going steady, and I French kiss.” Audrey Griswold: “So? Everybody does that.” Cousin Vicki: “Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.”
Best Screenplay: Vacation John Hughes
Best Special Achievement: Vacation Car Crash
Best Supporting Actor/Actress: Vacation Randy Quaid
Best Lead Actor/Actress: Jerk Steve Martin
Best Scene: Jerk Navin hitches a ride
Defining Moment: Vacation Clark losing his temper in the car
Best Director: Vacation Harold Ramis
Wildcard: Vacation The MILF Award
Best Picture: National Lampoon’s Vacation
Total after deductions:
The Jerk: 4
Vacation: 15
JEREMY’S GOLDEN IDOLS
Best Location: Vacation The Highway
Best Character: Vacation Ellen Griswold
Best Screen Duo: TIE Jerk & Vacation Navin/Marie & Clark/Ellen
Best Villain/Antagonist: Jerk Navin Johnson
Best Hero/Protagonist: Rubber Chicken
Best Kill/Death/Defeat: Vacation Clark killing Aunt Edna’s dog
WTF: Jerk Navin Johnson’s stupidity
Best Score or Soundtrack: Vacation Ralph Burns with original songs by various artists
Best Quote: TIE Jerk & Vacation Navin R. Johnson: “And that's the only thing I need is *this*. I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray... And this paddle game. - The ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need... And this remote control. - The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that's all I need... And these matches. - The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control, and the paddle ball... And this lamp. - The ashtray, this paddle game, and the remote control, and the lamp, and that's all *I* need. And that's *all* I need too. I don't need one other thing, not one... I need this. - The paddle game and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches for sure. Well what are you looking at? What do you think I'm some kind of a jerk or something! - And this. That's all I need.” Clark Griswold: “I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. You're gonna have fun, and I'm gonna have fun... We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we're gonna need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of your assholes! I must be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit!”
Best Screenplay: Vacation John Hughes
Best Special Achievement: Vacation John Candy’s $1 million dollar paycheck
Best Supporting Actor/Actress: Jerk Bernadette Peters
Best Lead Actor/Actress: Jerk Steve Martin
Best Scene: Jerk Restaurant Scene
Defining Moment: Vacation Car dealer scene
Best Director: Vacation Harold Ramis
Wildcard: Jerk The Biggest Doofus Award
Best Picture: National Lampoon’s Vacation
Total after deductions:
The Jerk: 7
Vacation: 11
NATHAN’S GOLDEN IDOLS
Best Location: Vacation U.S.A
Best Character: TIE Jerk & Vacation Navin Johnson & Clark Griswold
Best Screen Duo: Vacation Clark Griswold & Ellen Griswold
Best Villain/Antagonist: Jerk The Madman
Best Hero/Protagonist: Vacation Clark Griswold
Best Kill/Death/Defeat: Vacation Aunt Edna’s dog
WTF: Jerk Steve Martin is younger than me in The Jerk
Best Score or Soundtrack: Vacation Ralph Burns with original songs by various artists
Best Quote: Jerk Father: “Lord loves a working man, don’t trust whitey, see a doctor and get rid of it.”
Best Screenplay: TIE Jerk & Vacation Steve Martin, Carl Gottlieb & Michael Elias/John Hughes
Best Special Achievement: Jerk Standup Adaptation
Best Supporting Actor/Actress: Vacation Beverly D’Angelo
Best Lead Actor/Actress: Vacation Chevy Chase
Best Scene: Jerk I don’t need anything….All I need is….
Defining Moment: Vacation Postcards/Photos intro
Best Director: Vacation Harold Ramis
Wildcard: Vacation The LOL Award
Best Picture: National Lampoon’s Vacation
Total after deductions:
The Jerk: 6
Vacation: 13