Rambo: First Blood Part II vs Commando

Three years ago, we pitted Demolition Man versus The Running Man in a Stallone/Schwarzenegger action sci-fi battle. Now we’re putting Sly and Arnie in the jungle to see who survives, as Rambo: First Blood Part II faces off against Commando. Which iconic action hero is superior? Do you prefer the forests of Vietnam or those of the fictional Val Verde? Tie on your bandana, cock your gun, and let’s talk about movies!

BRAD’S GOLDEN IDOLS

1. Best Location: Commando Tool Shed

2. Best Character: Commando John Matrix

3. Best Kill/Death/Defeat: Rambo Explosive Tipped Arrows

4. Best Score or Soundtrack: Rambo Jerry Goldsmith

5. Best Screenplay: TIE Commando & Rambo Kevin Jarre & Steven E. de Souza

6. Best Special Achievement: Rambo Rambo becoming a pop culture juggernaut

7. Best Scene: Commando Tool Shed

8. Defining Moment/Attribute: TIE Commando & Rambo John Matrix’s Intro & Explosive Tipped Arrows

9. Best Director: Rambo George P. Cosmatos

10. Wildcard: Rambo Best Gearing Up Montage Award

11. WTF: Rambo Rambo kills more people in two days than he did the entire Vietnam war

12. Best Picture: Commando

Total after deductions:

• Rambo: First Blood Part 2: 7

• Commando: 6

KYLE’S GOLDEN IDOLS

1. Best Location: Commando John Matrix’s Cabin

2. Best Character: Commando Bennett

3. Best Kill/Death/Defeat: Commando Axe to the dick

4. Best Score or Soundtrack: Rambo Jerry Goldsmith

5. Best Screenplay: Commando Steven E. de Souza

6. Best Special Achievement: Rambo Creating a chain of badly titled sequels

7. Best Scene: Commando Knife fight with Bennet

8. Defining Moment/Attribute: Commando Kills the negotiator

9. Best Director: Rambo George P. Cosmatos

10. Wildcard: Commando My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad Award

11. WTF: Commando Mall security with guns?

12. Best Picture: Commando

Total after deductions:

• Rambo: First Blood Part 2: 3

• Commando: 10

NATHAN’S GOLDEN IDOLS

1. Best Location: Commando Shopping Mall

2. Best Character: Rambo John Rambo

3. Best Kill/Death/Defeat: Rambo Explosive Tipped Arrows

4. Best Score or Soundtrack: Rambo Jerry Goldsmith

5. Best Screenplay: Commando Steven E. de Souza

6. Best Special Achievement: Rambo Rambo kills more people in two days than he did the entire Vietnam war

7. Best Scene: Commando Opening Credits

8. Defining Moment/Attribute: Rambo A quote from Rambo: “I’ve always believed the mind is the best weapon.”

9. Best Director: Rambo George P. Cosmatos

10. Wildcard: Commando Best Villain Award

11. WTF: Commando The “Best Kill” was never filmed

12. Best Picture: Commando

Total after deductions:

• Rambo: First Blood Part 2: 6

• Commando: 7

RYAN’S GOLDEN IDOLS

1. Best Location: Rambo Vietnamese POW Camp

2. Best Character: Rambo John Rambo

3. Best Kill/Death/Defeat: TIE Commando & Rambo Tool Shed Kills & Explosive Tipped Arrows

4. Best Score or Soundtrack: Commando James Horner

5. Best Screenplay: Commando Steven E. de Souza

6. Best Special Achievement: Commando Working with half of the budget

7. Best Scene: TIE Commando & Rambo Opening of Commando & Rambo’s Final Battle

8. Defining Moment/Attribute: Rambo Murdock, I’m coming for you scene

9. Best Director: Commando Mark Lester

10. Wildcard: Commando Ripped as Sh*t Award

11. WTF: Commando Bennett looks like a fat Freddie Mercury

12. Best Picture: Commando

Total after deductions:

• Rambo: First Blood Part 2: 5

• Commando: 8

Golden Idol Winner: Commando