Nic Cage Goes Bananas For His Next Movie Gunzarino: Guns Reno Goes Bananas
Between voiceovers for The Croods 2 and filming his untitled Joe Exotic Project, Nicolas Cage unveiled his newest production, “Gunzarino: Guns Reno Goes Bananas.” In a recent interview with The BloJo Movie Network, Cage went on a crazy rant saying,
“My next movie is bananas! I play a character named Guns Reno because I have a lot of guns. Sooo many guns! And also, I’m from Reno. The plot’s pretty straightforward: My character has to go back in time to steal George Washington's dick and have it surgically swapped for my own so I can have sex with Martha Washington while George is fighting vampires because that's the only way I can escape Alcatraz back in the future so I can stop a gang of criminals who have crash landed their prison transport plane into the Spiderverse because the Ghost Rider and Hit Girl have teamed up to steal vehicles in under a minute, and I only know how to do this because of my autistic son's penchant for writing secret numbers. It’s like National Treasure x1000! But this time I’m also being attacked by bees the whole time.”
Cage took a break from his epic rant and snorted a line of coke and then seductively interjected,
“The movie’s honestly a spiritual sequel to Peggy Sue Got Married incidentally placing this storyline in the same universe as ‘Mandy’ and ‘Raising Arizona.’ It’s mostly based on actual events from my life.”
Before Cage hauntingly slipped away from the interview and into the darkness, he added, “I really need the money, man. I really need the money. By the way, who killed all these damn monkeys?! Their souls are still dancing! I’m as high as Superman! Wooooo!”
“Gunzarino: Guns Reno Goes Bananas” hasn’t started filming yet; however, The BloJo Movie Network published rumors that the film is already over budget because of rising cotton candy and cocaine prices, as well as copyright infringement settlements with Yarovesky and Gunn over their new ALF movie.
Scoop by JJ Moxie