A Decaying TMNT Suit Is Rescued After Being Used As A Sex Slave By A Perverted Super-Fan.
A decomposed latex Leonardo suit from 1993's TMNT III has been rescued after being chained up in a dark and damp basement made up to look like a sewer. The suit was used as a sex slave for countless years by a pervert named Kevin.
The reports were leaked to us by a friend close to the case...
The super-fan known as Kevin, a creepy man in his 40’s, was single and living with his mother at the time of the abuse. The crime scene was found in Kevin’s child-like room, under a dirty Turtles blanket. Under the blanket was a painted wooden circle on the floor made to look like a manhole. The officers on the scene found the entrance to the secret sex-sewer when they heard a loud electronic Cowabunga sound come from under the floor. The sound came from an old arcade machine and the glow from the screen lead them to Leonardo. The authorities found the arcade machine along with thousands of 80’s Turtles action figures with their heads removed, and a large poster of the original movie framed and surrounded by a hundred candles. Coupled with the fact that the basement was dark as hell, with cobwebs in the corner and moths flying around, it looked like something out of Silence of the Lambs. In the reports we were given, authorities say that the terrifying suit was chained to a moldy wall, both hands bound with zip ties behind its back, duct-tape over its mouth and soiled underwear over its head. The reports pointed out that authorities found homemade videos on Kevin’s computer of him beating the dirty rotten suit with Ninja Turtle nunchucks (green dildos hooked together by a chain) before having sex with the rare collectible. The reports ended with at least a dozen pictures of the nasty suit. The suit was in bad condition and covered in a sticky white substance. Kevin was arrested and charged with every sex crime known to man.
Supposedly, Kevin funded his turtle hobby by selling TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES porn parodies. His best seller was TMNT XXX.
Here’s a plot synopsis from SomeLikeItHottt.com: "Facing family difficulties at home due to Shredder’s evil plan, Michelangeblow reluctantly tells his brothers Dongatello, Raphalanus and LeoNARDO that the entire city will fall unless they can have group sex with “April O-Face O’Neil”. . . Wild fun and mayhem ensue, especially when Splinter Dick finds out he’s about to star in a porn movie.
Kevin also sold green turtle pussies. Below is a picture...
If anyone knows where we can watch our childhood heroes get nasty and have an orgy in a sewer, please send us a link. We would also like a link to the turtle pussy. Thanks.
Anyway...the reports described Kevin as being a “twisted freaky pervert.” They also added that Kevin had potentially been turned evil by a long history of playing violent video games and eating Taco Bell after midnight. The reports also speculate that Michael Bay’s Turtle reboot pushed Kevin over the edge. They did not reveal who tipped off the authorities, but we’re told by our undisclosed friends that the suit is being restored, will be touring next year’s Comic-Con, and all donations will go to funding the police.
The arrested pervert was given one phone call and decided to call BloJo Movie Network. Here is what he said...
“Have you ever been reading a TMNT comic and you think to yourself ...I wonder what their little turtle dicks look like? Have you ever thought that? Am I the bad guy because I let my imagination run wild? I’ve always had a strange fascination with turtle dicks. I’m not the freak...you’re the freak. I shouldn’t have wasted my one phone call talking to you losers. (Kevin screaming) Turtle Penis Power!”
What do our readers think? Do violent video games make you rape turtles? Is Taco Bell bad after midnight? Do Michael Bay movies turn people into perverts? What is Turtle Penis Power? We will keep you updated on this breaking story as events unfold.
In other news, Brie Larson has been cast to play the voice of James Gunn’s Alf, which will be released on Mother’s Day 2022. Stay Woke, Videoland!
Scoop by Servian LeFever