Man Claims The Last Jedi Gave Him AIDS
Dick Reid, 52, and a father-of-five says he developed an uncontrollable lust for sex and drugs after watching The Last Jedi- at one point selling his children’s toys to fund his addiction.
We spoke with Reid on his front porch in San Francisco, CA as he broke down in tears. He said his life had become 'hell' after watching The Last Jedi and he hoped that Rian Johnson would get hit by a bus. Or worse. Mr. Reid had formerly worked as a well-respected telemarketer and local bartender. After watching The Last Jedi he told BloJo Movie Network he contracted AIDS.
“I know that sounds ludicrous,” he said. “But it’s true. I can’t explain it. I didn’t think something like this could happen to me.” He also told the network after watching the movie he started giving out free handjobs. “Star Wars turned me into a sex fanatic, he said. “I wanted sex from anyone and anything -especially from dudes. Star Wars will pay for what they’ve done to my family.“
In total, Mr. Reid said he spent his life savings on man whores and cocaine. He started sending dick pics to his pastor and began cross-dressing. When that wouldn’t quench his thirst, he started showcasing himself on websites such as StarWarsWhores.com and SciFiSluts.com, and arranging encounters, one of which he claimed resulted in him getting a wedgie and his car stolen.
Mr Reid said he realised The Last Jedi was responsible when he stumbled across a website called TheLastJediGaveMeAids.com. After he made a connection between the movie and his sex and drug addictions it was like a big weight was lifted from his shoulders.
He said his family and friends thought he was crazy at first and had not understood what was going on. Now they’re just confused.
"It's a great day," he said. "It's like a big weight has been lifted from my shoulders. The Last Jedi took everything from me and gave me AIDS.” He added: “I can’t wait to put all of this behind me. I hope I can stop the spread of AIDS through Star Wars. I just want my wife and children back. I’m not a sex fanatic!”
The FUC reports that Reid is seeking $1,000,000,000 in damages and a life time pass to Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge from Disney for producing such a “harmful” movie, and from Rian Johnson for failing the fans.
Disney declined to comment on the case.
However, Rian Johnson’s attorneys said that it’s impossible that The Last Jedi gave Dick Reid AIDS and they think the man is using the movie as an excuse to indulge in a midlife sexual odyssey. (More on ToxicFanz.com: A Brief History of Toxic Fandom)
We would like to note that Dick Reid is not the only person with unusual behavioral side effects after watching The Last Jedi. Other toxic fans were found to engage in sleepwalking, chronic masturbation, hallucinations, violent outbursts, weight gain and even nostalgia, according to a recent article in the New York Yanker.
Did The Last Jedi give you AIDS, too? Let us know in the comments!
Scoop by Servian LeFever