Joss Whedon Has Seen The Snyder Cut Of Justice League And Says It’s Hot Garbage

After years of DC fans kicking and screaming, the Snyder Cut of Justice League is happening. Joss Whedon is the latest to see it and he gave his scathing review to The BloJo Movie Network. Here's how the review supposedly played out: 

BloJo: So, what are your thoughts on The Snyder Cut? 

Joss Whedon: It’s hot garbage! It’s worse than hot garbage, it’s a wet turd wrapped in hot garbage. It’s unwatchable! #ReleaseTheDumpsterFire

BloJo: Does it feel like a totally different movie than your original cut of Justice League? 

Joss Whedon: First off, let me point out that I think my original cut of Justice League is hot garbage, too. It’s not the movie I wanted to make. It’s the movie I was hired to make for Warner Bros and DC. Let me ask you a question -- have you ever tried to make something out of garbage? 

BloJo: Umm...No! 

Joss Whedon: No? I didn’t think so. That’s what Zack left me with...garbage. I had to shape his leftover “vomit draft” into a watchable movie and make an unreasonable release date for the studio. 

BloJo: What’s different about the Snyder Cut? 

Joss Whedon: Everything! The Snyder Cut starts off with a gratuitous Bruce Wayne sex scene. It’s one of the most awkward sex scenes in any film ever. It cuts back and forth between Ben Affleck’s Bruce Wayne violently thrusting an unknown blonde and Jared Leto’s Joker masturbating in a bathtub full of colorful paint. It’s like a nightmare within a nightmare. The climax is terrifying. Bring a barf bag. It’s dark. It’s batshit crazy! No pun intended. 

BloJo: Umm...ok...continue. 

Joss Whedon: Not only is it dark narratively, but the cinematography is dark. Like, I can’t see anything. And when I can see anything it’s all a cold metallic grey color. His action scenes are very kinetic. It’s almost like he did a line of cocaine in the editing room. There’s senseless speed ramping, disorienting zooms, frantic edits, mind numbing slow-motion. If you're a fan of Zack Snyder’s style, you’ll love it. But in my opinion, it’s all style over substance. Instead of the Snyder Cut, they should have called it the “Snyder Special.” 

BloJo: Wow, you really didn’t like it did you? 

Joss Whedon: It feels like an overlong MTV commercial. Here’s the problem, Zack tries too hard to be dark and edgy. He tries to be the cool kid in school, but you just wanna punch him in the face. 

BloJo: What can you tell us about the characters in the Snyder Cut? Any changes? 

Joss Whedon: Changes? (Rolling Laughter) Every character is turned up to 11. Batman kills 32 people in the first act alone. He’s a psycho. The body count is ridiculous. Also, if you thought Superman was Christ-like in Man of Steel, wait until you see the Snyder Cut. There’s a scene where Superman literally walks on water. And when we meet Aquaman for the first time, he’s in rehab for alcohol addiction. Spoiler: He commits suicide in the 3rd act. Wonder Woman is a pill popper, Cyborg is bisexual and Lois Lane is turning tricks in Metropolis. Oh, and I almost forgot...Darksied has a long blue dong. Again, it’s the “Snyder Special.”

BloJo: And the music?

Joss Whedon: I guess if you’re a fan of the electronica and alt-rock that Zack usually puts in his movies, you’ll love it. You can expect to hear Bob Dylan's "All Along the Watchtower" played over and over again. I think he uses the song about twenty times. But to me, it’s like an earworm boring into my skull. By the end of it, my ears were bleeding … along with my eyes. God, what a piece of crap!

BloJo: Thanks, Joss, for your time. 

Joss Whedon: My pleasure. 

What do you make of his review? Are you looking forward to the Snyder Cut of Justice League on HBO Max? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.

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