Goonies vs Monster Squad
The 1980s were chock full of movies about young kids coming of age and going on adventures. Tonight, we’ll be pitting two classics against each other to see which gang comes out on top—The Goonies or The Monster Squad. Which are cooler—monsters or pirates? Why do both of these movies have fat kids and candy bars? And can Count Dracula hold a candle to Ma Fratelli? Grab your treasure map, kick some wolfman nards … and let’s talk about movies!
BRAD'S GOLDEN IDOLS
Best Location: TIE Goonies & MS The Inferno & The Treehouse
Best Character: Goonies Chunk
Best Screen Duo: Goonies Chunk & Sloth
Best Villain/Antagonist: Goonies Mama Fratelli
Best Hero/Protagonist: MS The Monster Squad
Best Kill/Defeat: MS Putting dynamite in the Wolfman’s pants & unraveling The Mummy
WTF: MS Ripping off Goonies
Best Score or Soundtrack: Goonies Dave Grusin & original songs
Best Quote: MS Horace: “Wolfman’s got nards!”
Best Screenplay: Goonies Chris Columbus
Best Special Achievement: TIE Goonies & MS Practical Effects
Best Supporting Actor/Actress: Goonies Anne Ramsey
Best Lead Actor/Actress: Goonies Sean Astin
Best Scene: Goonies Opening Car Chase/Jailbreak
Defining Moment: Goonies The Pirate Ship
Best Director: Goonies Richard Donner
Wildcard: Goonies Best Kids Ensemble Award
Best Picture: Goonies
Total after deductions:
Goonies: 14
Monster Squad: 5
WAYNE'S GOLDEN IDOLS
Best Location: Goonies The Inferno
Best Character: Goonies Mikey
Best Screen Duo: Goonies Chunk & Sloth
Best Villain/Antagonist: TIE Goonies & MS Mama Fratelli & Dracula
Best Hero/Protagonist: TIE Goonies & MS Mikey & Sean
Best Kill/Defeat: MS Stake to the heart (opening scene)
WTF: MS Dracula in the daylight
Best Score or Soundtrack: Goonies Dave Grusin & original songs
Best Quote: MS Horace: “Your sister doesn’t speak German, all she does is hang around and let guys touch her tits.”
Best Screenplay: Goonies Chris Columbus
Best Special Achievement: Goonies Practical Effects
Best Supporting Actor/Actress: Goonies Corey Feldman
Best Lead Actor/Actress: Goonies Sean Astin
Best Scene: Goonies Sliding into the cavern
Defining Moment: Goonies Chunk giving Sloth the candy bar
Best Director: Goonies Richard Donner
Wildcard: MS The Kids Passion for Monster Movies Award
Best Picture: Goonies
Total after deductions:
Goonies: 14
Monster Squad: 5
NATHAN'S GOLDEN IDOLS
Best Location: Goonies The Inferno
Best Character: MS Rudy
Best Screen Duo: TIE Goonies & MS Chunk/Sloth & Phoebe/Frankenstein
Best Villain/Antagonist: MS Dracula
Best Hero/Protagonist: MS Sean
Best Kill/Defeat: MS Putting dynamite in the Wolfman’s pants
WTF: Goonies Data doesn’t understand personal pronouns
Best Score or Soundtrack: Goonies Dave Grusin & original songs
Best Quote: MS Rudy: “I’m in the goddamn club, aren’t I?”
Best Screenplay: MS Shane Black & Fred Dekker
Best Special Achievement: MS Monster Squad achieved the Dark Universe in 1987
Best Supporting Actor/Actress: Goonies Corey Feldman
Best Lead Actor/Actress: TIE Goonies & MS Sean Astin & Andre Gower
Best Scene: MS Dracula’s final defeat
Defining Moment: Goonies Super Sloth
Best Director: MS Fred Dekker
Wildcard: MS Some Monsters are Real Award
Best Picture: Monster Squad
Total after deductions:
Goonies: 6
Monster Squad: 13
APRIL'S GOLDEN IDOLS
Best Location: Goonies Astoria
Best Character: Goonies Chunk
Best Screen Duo: Goonies The Fratelli Brothers
Best Villain/Antagonist: Goonies Mama Fratelli
Best Hero/Protagonist: Goonies Mikey
Best Kill/Defeat: Goonies Troy & Mr. Perkins not getting the Goondocks
WTF: TIE Goonies & MS Mom is the same in both movies
Best Score or Soundtrack: Goonies Dave Grusin & original songs
Best Quote: Goonies All Goonies Say: “That’s what I said!”
Best Screenplay: Goonies Chris Columbus
Best Special Achievement: Goonies Sound Mixing & Editing
Best Supporting Actor/Actress: MS Ryan Lambert
Best Lead Actor/Actress: Goonies Sean Astin
Best Scene: Goonies Playing the bone organ
Defining Moment: Goonies Mikey’s speech outside the restaurant
Best Director: Goonies Richard Donner
Wildcard: Goonies Best Rube Goldberg Inventions Award
Best Picture: Goonies
Total after deductions:
Goonies: 18
Monster Squad: 1