Cousin Wayne's Rotten Halloween
What happens when you let Cousin Wayne put together a marathon? You get a Rotten Halloween, of course! We’ve scraped the bottom of the barrel to bring you six of the worst horror movies that cinema has to offer (at least according to Rotten Tomatoes). They are:
Critters
Gate
Scarecrow (1988)
House
Waxwork
Ghoulies
Which of these films will have the dishonor of becoming a Golden Idol Winner, and which return to the sewers from whence they came? Grab a handful of dick corn ... and let’s talk about movies!
BRAD’S GOLDEN IDOLS
Best Location: TIE Wax & Scare Wax Museum & Field/Farmhouse
Best Character: Critters Johnny Steele/Ug
Best Screen Duo: Gate Glen & Terry
Best Villain/Antagonist: Scare Evil Scarecrows
Best Hero/Protagonist: Wax Sir Wilfred
Best Kill/Defeat: TIE Gate & Wax Glen’s Rocket & Werewolf Kill
WTF: House Cobb’s Neighbors
Best Score or Soundtrack: Critters Power of the Night
Best Quote: Wax Mr. Lincoln: “They'll make a movie about anything nowadays.”
Best Screenplay: Gate Michael Nankin
Best Special Achievement: House Practical Effects
Best Supporting Actor/Actress: Critters Terrence Mann
Best Lead Actor/Actress: Wax Zach Galligan
Best Scene: Critters Transformation Scene
Defining Moment: Critters Power of the Night
Best Director: Gate Tibor Takács
Worst Picture: Ghoulies
Wildcard: Scare The Remake Award
Best Picture: The Gate
Total after deductions:
Critters: 5
Ghoulies: Negative One
House: 1
Waxwork: 5
Scarecrows: 3
The Gate: 5
WAYNE’S GOLDEN IDOLS
Best Location: House The House
Best Character: Critters Brad Brown
Best Screen Duo: Gate Glen & Terry
Best Villain/Antagonist: TIE Critters & Wax Critters & Lincoln
Best Hero/Protagonist: Wax Mark Loftmore
Best Kill/Defeat: Scare Jack Getting Stabbed in the Mouth
WTF: Ghoulies Puppets
Best Score or Soundtrack: Scare Terry Plumeri
Best Quote: Scare Corbin: “This ammo is blessed, so when I blow your ass away every piece of you is going straight to hell”
Best Screenplay: House Fred Dekker
Best Special Achievement: Scare Practical Effects
Best Supporting Actor/Actress: House George Wendt
Best Lead Actor/Actress: Gate Stephen Dorff
Best Scene: House Trying to Kill the “Raccoon”
Defining Moment: Ghoulies Summoning the Storm in the Basement
Best Director: Wax Anthony Hickox
Worst Picture: Ghoulies
Wildcard: Scare The Nostalgia Award
Best Picture: TIE Waxwork & House
Total after deductions:
Critters: 2
Ghoulies: 0
House: 5
Waxwork: 4
Scarecrows: 5
The Gate: 2
KYLE’S GOLDEN IDOLS
Best Location: Wax Wax Museum
Best Character: Critters Charlie McFadden
Best Screen Duo: Gate Glen & Terry
Best Villain/Antagonist: House Big Ben
Best Hero/Protagonist: Ghoulies Rubber Chicken
Best Kill/Defeat: Wax Vampire Cross
WTF: Scare Weird Transitions
Best Score or Soundtrack: Critters Power of the Night
Best Quote: House Grocery Boy: (LOOKS AT PAINTING) “Sick”
Best Screenplay: Critters Stephen Herek, Domonic Muir & Don Keith Opper
Best Special Achievement: House Practical Effects
Best Supporting Actor/Actress: House George Wendt
Best Lead Actor/Actress: House William Katt
Best Scene: Wax Werewolf segment
Defining Moment: TIE Critters & House Transformation Scene & Big Ben Makeup
Best Director: House Steve Miner
Worst Picture: Ghoulies
Wildcard: Critters The Bang For Your Buck Award
Best Picture: TIE Waxwork & Critters
Total after deductions:
Critters: 6
Ghoulies: Negative 1
House: 6
Waxwork: 4
Scarecrows: 0
The Gate: 1
NATHAN’S GOLDEN IDOLS
Best Location: Wax Wax Museum
Best Character: Critters Charlie McFadden
Best Screen Duo: Critters The Bounty Hunters
Best Villain/Antagonist: TIE Critters & Wax The Crite & David Lincoln
Best Hero/Protagonist: Wax Mark Loftmore
Best Kill/Defeat: Gate Angus gets hugged to death by Terry
WTF: Wax Losing a swordfight to a guy in a wheelchair
Best Score or Soundtrack: Wax Roger Bellon
Best Quote: Critters Critter 1: “They have weapons” Critter 2: “So what” [Critter 2 is shot off the porch] Critter 1: “Fuck!”
Best Screenplay: Critters Stephen Herek, Domonic Muir & Don Keith Opper
Best Special Achievement: Critters Practical Effects
Best Supporting Actor/Actress: Wax David Warner
Best Lead Actor/Actress: Gate Stephen Dorff
Best Scene: Wax The 18 Most Evil Beings Unleashed
Defining Moment: TIE Critters & Wax Greater Appreciation For Fright Night
Best Director: Wax Anthony Hickox
Worst Picture: House
Wildcard: Scare The Prop Gag Kill Award
Best Picture: Critters
Total after deductions:
Critters: 8
Ghoulies: 0
House: Negative 1
Waxwork: 8
Scarecrows: 1
The Gate: 2