Braveheart vs Gladiator vs Troy
On April 22nd, Robert Eggers's The Northman will release in theaters. The tale of a Nordic prince who wants revenge for his father's death, it’s the type of historical epic we don’t see much of anymore. That’s why tonight, we’re pitting three modern “sword and sandal” epics against one another to see which one comes out on top. They are:
- Gladiator
- Braveheart
- Troy
Do you prefer your warriors to be Roman, Greek, or Scottish? Would you rather fight for vengeance, freedom, or love and country? Put on your kilt, hop on your chariot, and let’s talk about movies!
KYLE’S GOLDEN IDOLS
Best Location: Gladiator Colosseum
Best Character: Braveheart William Wallace
Best Kill/Death/Defeat: TIE Braveheart & Troy Freedom! & Superhero Spear
Best Score or Soundtrack: Braveheart James Horner
Best Screenplay: Gladiator Dave Franzoni, John Logan & William Nicholson
Best Special Achievement: Braveheart The idea of Braveheart is to first entertain, then teach and then inspire.
Best Scene: Braveheart Showing their asses
Defining Moment/Attribute/MVP: Gladiator Oliver Reed as Proximus
Best Director: TIE Braveheart & Gladiator Mel Gibson & Ridley Scott
Wildcard: Gladiator Inspiration Award
WTF: Gladiator Oliver Reed dying 3 weeks before wrapping
Worst Picture: Troy
Best Picture: Gladiator
Total after deductions:
Braveheart: 6
Gladiator: 6
Troy: 0
NATHAN’S GOLDEN IDOLS
Best Location: Gladiator Colosseum
Best Character: Braveheart Stephen of Ireland
Best Kill/Death/Defeat: Troy Superhero Spear
Best Score or Soundtrack: Braveheart James Horner
Best Screenplay: Gladiator Dave Franzoni, John Logan & William Nicholson
Best Special Achievement: Braveheart Epic medieval warfare
Best Scene: TIE Gladiator & Troy Commodus murders Marcus Aurelius & King Priam implores Achilles to return Hector’s body
Defining Moment/Attribute/MVP: Gladiator Joaquin Phoenix’s performance as Commodus
Best Director: Braveheart Mel Gibson
Wildcard: TIE Braveheart & Gladiator Best Villain Award
WTF: Braveheart Historical Inaccuracies
Worst Picture: Troy
Best Picture: Braveheart
Total after deductions:
Braveheart: 6
Gladiator: 5
Troy: 1
APRIL’S GOLDEN IDOLS
Best Location: Troy City of Troy
Best Character: Gladiator Maximus Decimus Meridius
Best Kill/Death/Defeat: Troy Achilles taking out the "Giant" runs up and stabs him in the neck
Best Score or Soundtrack: Braveheart James Horner
Best Screenplay: Gladiator Dave Franzoni, John Logan & William Nicholson
Best Special Achievement: Troy Sean Bean's character not dying. He has died 25 times
Best Scene: Gladiator First Battle in the Arena
Defining Moment/Attribute/MVP: Gladiator Maximus speech of vengeance “My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son. Husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.”
Best Director: Gladiator Ridley Scott
Wildcard: Troy Best Narrator Award
WTF: Troy Paris stealing Helen
Worst Picture: Braveheart
Best Picture: Gladiator
Total after deductions:
Braveheart: 0
Gladiator: 8
Troy: 4
JEREMY’S GOLDEN IDOLS
Best Location: Gladiator The fighting pits
Best Character: Braveheart William Wallace
Best Kill/Death/Defeat: Gladiator Death of Commodus
Best Score or Soundtrack: Troy James Horner
Best Screenplay: Braveheart Randall Wallace
Best Special Achievement: Gladiator Ridley Scott actually burned down a forest that was scheduled for deforestation to get his shots
Best Scene: Braveheart Soldiers attack the village
Defining Moment/Attribute/MVP: Gladiator Maximus speech of vengeance “My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son. Husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.”
Best Director: Gladiator Ridley Scott
Wildcard: Gladiator Best Villain Award
WTF: Gladiator The sound effects are awful
Worst Picture: Troy
Best Picture: Gladiator
Total after deductions:
Braveheart: 3
Gladiator: 9
Troy: 0